Thoughts on May 16, 2022 | Radical Empathy

I’ll start by setting the stage. The last few weeks have been a lot. The humanity of LGBTQ+ communities are under attack in Red States. Reproductive rights, in America the Beautiful, are being repealed. Innocent people of faith in a California church were murdered. Black citizens in a major city in New York State, a Blue state, were hunted and slaughtered on a live stream. I’m sure there’s more— this is just what I am privvy to at this moment.

At a critical time like where we are today, mid pandemic, mid recession, mid- war time, mid social tension, and mid-culture shift— I feel like there is a sense of desperation that we are all experiencing and not truly addressing in the work place. Nearly everyone’s way of life, comfort and survival is under attack. For for too many people, everyday literally feels like a battle between life and death, and that includes the people who work on the teams we lead. So by not acknowledging the dire trauma that people are experiencing on a daily basis, we as leaders are doing ourselves a disservice. Yes productivity suffers if our people are emotionally underwater, but also our ability to grow as true leaders is stunted when we don’t lean into our responsibilities.

As a leader our job is not only to ensure the work gets done and the productivity thrives, but also to ensure that our people can sustain under immense pressure. Yes, they may need this job to pay for their lifestyles, but they’re not the only ones with something to lose. We also need them AT THEIR BEST to validate our positions as leads— which in turn provides us opportunity to pay for our own lifestyles. It’s a fragile cycle that requires true skill.

I know that people relate differently to those around them and that empathy levels vary from leader to leader. In my case, I am aware that I am a born empath and I feel and absorb energy from any and everywhere. It doesn’t take much for me to understand the importance of meeting people where they are emotionally. I am well versed in the healing powers of allowing people around me to be heard and felt. I have always innately understood the impact of giving people permission to take space for themselves to decompress. I know the results of these activities give people the space and time they need to come back to work to give their best, as they were hired to provide 5 days a week. 

I am also aware that tapping into the feelings and emotions of our colleagues may force some people to freeze. I know that some people are unaware of what to do with other people’s feelings once they are aware of them. And for that— I’d love to offer some perspective, and advice on how to be a better manager by emotionally supporting a team, during these pretty fucked up times.

I’ll start by enforcing that our jobs as leaders, is not always to just have answers to problems that need to be fixed. There are far too many problems to fix right now, and many of them lie within uncharted territories. We’ve never been here before and we have little experience to offer solutions. Instead, our jobs are to help the communities we lead navigate around these problems in ways that allow them to retain as much energy as they can, so they can do their jobs to the best of their ability. We are here to remove or ease any blocks that prevent work from being done. Of course these blocks can be related to the workflow, but honestly most of the blocks people are experiencing are invisible and emotional. 

More often than not, the block will appear in the form of a fear of loss. So, if you are a leader, and you are reading this, and you take nothing else from this post, I need you to understand: Our people are afraid of losing their finances, their freedom, their health and wellness, their loved ones, their time and their lives. These are the blocks that are in the way of our work duties, and these are the motivations for people who choose to leave. So for leaders who find intimidation, anxious energy, and competition are their go to tools for leadership— you need to understand, employees are choosing their personal safety. And any outside opportunity that may present itself to quell any one or more these fears, is an opportunity for survival. They will leave you, and whoever replaces them will leave you too. They are only loyal to people who are loyal to their survival. 

Reassurance:

Our people need to be reassured that they are valued beyond the work they do. Imagine living day to day believing you are disposable. I mean, we work in “business” so yes technically we are, but imagine constantly internalizing that. Now imagine internalizing that information on top of the laws around you changing to negate your person hood, your access to personal freedoms, and your ability to provide for yourself and your families. Sadly, many people don’t have to imagine this train of thought, because it is their reality. And with this reality, comes the determination to stay afloat. So when having to choose, between staring at google documents all day and survival, if employees are not reassured they they are valued, appreciated and that opportunities to grow and to acquire more are available to them, they leave. They leave for the hope that perhaps the grass is greener on the other side. And even if it’s not, at the very least there is more money on the other side, which can sometimes feel just as good.

Opportunity/ Hope:

Our people need to know there is more to the world that they live in besides what’s in front of them. And that doesn’t always mean more responsibility, or money, but sometimes that there is more peace available to them. Be aware of what each of your employees need, and what opportunities they seek. If they want to grow into leaders themselves, establish a clear plan of how they can get to that level. If they are happy with their role, and are simply seeking a way to live a more pleasant and balanced life, work with them on a clear expectation of what you need from them in terms of work, so they can program the rest of their lives respectively. 

Be sure you are aware of what programs and benefits are available to your team, so you can share this information with them. If your team wants to grow, what professional development is available to them? If your team wants to build a family, what family planning benefits are available to them? If your team wishes to prioritize their mental health, what services are included in their benefits? Our people need to know that if they want something for themselves, there are opportunities to achieve it with your organization.

Flexibility:

Our people have made it clear that they no longer wish to work with organizations, teams and managers that require them to fit their lives into a structure, but rather that the structures they choose to engage with must fit into the lives they already live. Arbitrary timelines, deadlines, start times and expectations no longer work. Gaslighting people into believing everything is urgent and everything must be done now, no longer works. As a leader the most practical thing you can do right now, to keep your team grounded— is to be flexible.

Encourage time off, even when you know the work will continue to pile up. You can’t minimize the work, but you can maximize the energy people have to get the work done. Encourage shorter meetings and workdays/weeks. People who are working from home are also living at work. They need a break and you have the power to give it to them. 

Be considerate of your meetings. Genuinely— do we need to meet or can we message/email? 

Be flexible with your own time. Your people need you more than you think. And while I am 100% sure that you too are stressed out, overworked and underwater— we have to make the time for our people to know we care.

Grace:
You and the people who work for you need a lot of grace right now. We are a world of people who are fighting everyday for our lives, in the most literal sense. So even with money to make and big projects on the horizon, we are functioning at nearly half capacity since March of 2020. Allow yourselves and your people a moment to move slower, to make errors and to pause. Think about what we have all been through, and consider that other have endured even more than you. Nothing is perfect right now and to expect perfection from anyone is unrealistic. 

We are people and without grace we will break. 

Financial Stability: 

Our people need us to stop playing with their money. They can and will leave for more money. Pay equity isn’t just ensuring pay bands are equitable. It’s ensuring our people are building financial stability. Can they pay their bills? Can they eat? Can they rest? 

In the midst of a recession and time of inflation— think about how inconsiderate it is to expect people to just be grateful for last decades pay when they have to reconcile it with this year’s prices. 

Physical & Emotional Safety:

On this day in the year 2022 I can say the following things with absolute truth about our people in the United States of America. Our people are being exposed, hunted, slaughtered, disregarded, dehumanized and gaslit. Many of these things have taken place more prominently, in the last 8 weeks. Beyond that, they are faced with constant media reminders that there is no place for safety in the larger world and no one to save them, as the flood of images of war, famine and discontent fill every screen they own. We’re at a place where even baby formula is at a deficit.

Things like going to vote, the grocery store, to school, to church, the bathroom, to vacation, or even to bed resonate differently for people of color, women, people with disabilities and people within the LGBTQ+ communities. Honestly— where does safety live? The least our people and ourselves can have— is confidence that our jobs job are not one of the offenders wishing to cause us harm during the day. 

The trauma people experience everyday is intense. As leaders it is our job to create safe spaces so our people are reassured that we want the best for them. That they can provide for themselves and that opportunities to grow in ways that suit them, exist. We have to be concerned with their physical, emotional and financial safety. 

If you lead a team of any size, at any level and within any work environment, I urge you to be considerate to not add to the trauma. Be sensitive to the fact that each person’s trauma is continuing to grow. Be willing to be the leader your people need, in the world they live in today. I promise you this will keep them around longer.