I Just Can't. I'm Tired.
Dear Friends—
I write to you today with shaky hands and a heavy heart. If you have been plugged into the news cycle or social media over the last few days, you have likely heard about the recent terrifying attacks on black lives. Compounded with the disproportionate impacts of COVID-19 on communities of color, and the seemingly persistent cycle of death that has plagued both my timelines and my phone calls, I can say that today is the day that I officially, just cannot. I cannot deal. I cannot talk about it. I cannot engage. I am tired and I am going to need support from those of you, who identify as my ally, to take this one up for me and others who also currently feel as I do.
Let me explain…
There are too many black people, and other people of color who have experienced violence and tragedy at the literal and metaphorical hands of the social construct we call Whiteness. And in this moment, we are hurting. Myself included. We are hurting for our families, our friends, our communities and our futures. We are hurting because as disease and recession plague our world, we have already accepted that it will likely be OUR lives most disrupted. On top of the stress of overcoming general health and generations of financial challenges, we hurt because we continue to concern ourselves with the daily internal contemplation of “what if i don’t make it home safe” due to indiscretions of police officers, vigilantes and others.
We are a resilient people and even in the face of evil and disparity we continue to push forward. But today, many of us need a fucking break. I know there are many of Black Thought Leaders who have the strength to continue the conversation, but there are also a lot of us who just need to pause. We need a moment to breathe for ourselves and those, who no longer have that ability. We need a moment to cope productively, however that may be. Most importantly, we need time to not be Black Girl Magic or Black Boy Joy. We just want to be regular and to be safe mentally, spiritually, physically. We need you to give us a moment to burrow ourselves into our spaces of comfort, so we can recharge our energies.
Right now, there are many people who feel like me. Many of our culture leaders, inclusion activists and others are feeling depleted, and this depletion is hindering us from doing the things you may be expecting. Many of us do not want to talk about the traumas of being Black, today. We can’t physically do it while in this headspace. Many of us do not want to educate ANYBODY about WHY this is happening right now, nor do we want to participate in the panels and forums that will inevitably be produced to honor the recent tragedies of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd. Many of us do not want to share our own Christian Cooper stories, or to talk about the Amy Coopers of our past and present. We need a moment to disconnect.
Here is where you can come in…
The years of conversations we have shared together about how to best be an ally, need to be applied immediately. This is the best opportunity to put your tweets and well wishes into action.
We need you to take a moment to self educate, and to bring awareness of the issues mentioned above, into your own families and communities.
We need YOU to start having the hard and uncomfortable conversations.
We need you to support black and brown businesses.
We need you to advocate for your black colleagues and employees, especially “behind closed doors”.
We need you to respect that many of us need to take a mental health day. The recent headlines are a lot to cope with and we need our time to do so.
We need you to understand that sometimes we need the Zoom camera off, and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with self preservation.
We need you to critically think about your own thinking when engaging with Black Men, whether you know them or not.
We need your empathy, your sympathy and your humanity.
We need you to respect the pain of Black People, even when you don't understand where the pain comes from.
We need you to respect the space of Black People as we recover.
With love. Please talk amongst yourselves.
Kai